Miss World 2009

or 'State of the union' stream of consciousness: Part 1

So where's it all going in 2010? Rock-Til-You-Drop, I mean.

I dunno. I got ideas. But I can't see how to make any money from any of them. After a long 'state of the union' telephone consultation with my PR consultant friend Mr Colin Gillman recently, we came to the realisation that this is largely because I don't have the business head.

I don't think like a businessman. I think more like a philanthropist. I know all these bands now, surely there's a way of making some money from this? Enough to make a living wage. Should I start a management company? A record label? A distribution company? Should I promote more, and bigger, gigs?

Probably. Possibly. Maybe.

I'm too altruistic, too honest, though (my wife said 'honest' - not me). I don't know how to be mean or ruthless. I don't like the sound of the word 'exploit'. It's a fucker. Like Miss World 2009 and all the Miss Worlds before her, I just want to help people.

So should I resign myself to the fact that I won't be able to make a successful business of it, and simply 'hobbify' the whole thing? Or should I try harder, and get a business head. Develop a business plan. Pick up the phone to more influential music business types, the press etc.

I could, but I'm also running out of time.

When I completed my fine art degree as a mature student in May 2008, with the support and encouragement of my wife, I left my salaried position at the clinic. It was getting me down after 13 years. I have continued to work for them on freelance basis but the work doesn't amount to much in terms of money - a few hundred quid a month. So when I came up with the ROCK-TIL-YOU-DROP idea in October 2008, I thought I could possibly make this into some type of business.

You know the rest.

I've since got myself more work - one or two days a week - at a secondary school in my capacity as 'artist', which brings in more money. But my wife works full-time. She's the main breadwinner, and she's losing patience with me and my RTYD 'enterprise'. I understand. Maybe, I should spend more time looking for a new career. Getting a new full-time job, doing something 'creative'.

I am spending virtually every working hour on RTYD. I got lists and lists of things to do. Ways to improve it. But why, does anyone care? Is anyone really reading or noticing? Maybe in London. But what about Manchester, Liverpool, Bristol etc? What am I doing for mature musicians outside London? Not much.

I want to do more, but I feel overwhelmed by the amount of ideas. The time it will take to get them of the ground.

I have to streamline the on-line aspect anyway. For instance, I can't be dealing with the musicians' ads anymore. It's too much work. I'm closing those down, at least until I can get them automated.

I need a web-developer who's gonna help me 'for the love of it'. Because I can't afford to pay one. I need people to run RTYD nights outside London, and to make some money from those too. I need to believe in myself. I need help. I need to learn to delegate.

Enter violins.

Enough already.